REAL vs. Pretty

Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.

- Skin Horse, The Velveteen Rabbit

The truth is that I've always fancied myself as someone who resists the surface. I've been known to get irritated with small talk. I want to talk about things that matter. And I've been accused of asking too many "third level" questions (true story). I’ve always valued real, connected conversations about real, authentic things.

Or…so I thought.

Years ago, I decided to challenge myself and take a few voice lessons for fun. My teacher asked for me to send a few recordings to her, so, of course I put my best foot forward. I decided to send a song that I had sung for years. I knew it like I know my name. I knew where to put the licks and where I wanted my voice to "swell with meaning." And that recording - in all it's glory - was Pretty, if I do say so myself. And my teacher told me it was. But then she asked me to try some different things with it - to whisper the words of the song. Then to sing them with the same whispered intensity.

In case you were wondering…it’s really hard to make whispered words Pretty.

But in that process, something clicked. This song sung with every practiced nuance and rehearsed emotion was impressive because it was Pretty, but fell flat in connecting with those that were listening. Not only that...but because it was Pretty - neither the listeners nor I had ever realized that something was missing. In being free from Pretty, I was able to really listen to what the song was saying…and respond. There was new life in that old song. It was Real again.

Here's the other interesting thing. When my concentration shifted from how I sounded to what I was saying - my nerves dissipated a bit, too. When I was trying to "be" something...to hit a self-imposed standard...to be Pretty, I was judging myself. When I freed myself from being Pretty, judgement stopped. I was more free. I even felt a little - wait for it - confident in what I could offer.

And, such is life. We all live trying to be Pretty for someone. Our spouse. Our kids. Our parents. Our friends. Our boss. Our God. Ourselves.

But in releasing ourselves from Pretty is where we find real connectivity. We're able to communicate...and more importantly...listen. We become more comfortable - and confident - in our skin. And that is REAL. REAL is what changes lives. REAL is what can change our life. And as far as I'm concerned, that's what REALly matters.